Something Alternative: Learning the ropes of BDSM: a snapshot into kink related sex work

Something that has helped me find my niche within sex work, whether that has been in porn, webcamming or escorting, has been BDSM. I have always been kinky in my […]

Something that has helped me find my niche within sex work, whether that has been in porn, webcamming or escorting, has been BDSM.

I have always been kinky in my personal life so it seemed only natural that I would specialise in this at work. I originally thought I was just submissive and started my journey in pro-subbing. I would undertake bookings through the escort agency where I would be tied up, spanked, even put in a vacuum bag (like the ones for clothes, the air sucked out with a hoover), tied to a rack in a dungeon and tickled mercilessly for hours whilst, for some unknown reason, shouting out quotes from Father Ted. I did a submissive porn scene for a well known porn site which involved heavy impact play and rough sex.

This all might sound rather extreme to the general population, but I have always found these activities enjoyable if they are consensual and safe. I have strict boundaries and safe words in place and security measures to ensure my safety during these kind of bookings. I do charge more, given the greater emotional and physical energy required, and specialised equipment.

It is indeed very important for escorts who offer these kind of services to be careful; to vet clients carefully and ensure that health and safety are considered. I have certainly encountered several people who assume that because I offer submissive services I have “no limits” or am game for anything, which simply isn’t true. Or, I have met those who think tying people up with cable ties is sensible, and I have had to educate them slightly. There is a whole list of things that are out of my comfort zone and I only provide things listed on my website. If a prospective client so much as suggests that he is going to push my limits on a first meet, I respectfully decline any bookings with him. I only see people who have extensive good feedback from other sex workers and who have moderate experience.

These days, I tend to mainly focus on dominating clients, or “pro-domming” as it’s called in the industry. This is partly to keep submissive sexual encounters for my personal life, and partly because it is a lot safer to be in control and to be the one doing the spanking and tying up.

Often my submissive clients don’t want to have sex or sexual contact of any kind. A booking like this could involve dressing a man up in women’s lingerie and kicking him in the balls, or him turning up at my door and me calling him degrading names, taking his money and sending him on his way.

Others enjoy a detailed roleplay scene, outfits and various items of BDSM equipment, and I have to say these kind of bookings can require a heavy amount of emotional involvement and presence in order to make the experience for the client a special one. The preparation for this kind of booking can take up to two hours. I would say now that I am much more comfortable as a dominant escort, and enjoy the physiological aspect; playing the person in control and exploring power dynamics. I have found that I definitely have a sadistic streak; where I was once squeamish about kicking a guy’s testicles I am now perfectly happy to attach weights to them too and pull maliciously whilst whipping my clients buttocks until they bleed (if that’s what he wants). I also have submissive clients through the webcam, who like to be verbally abused and blackmailed.

The thing that I really love about these kinky work dynamics is the level of trust it requires on both parts. In order to put oneself into a vulnerable position, like that of being tied up and beaten, a significant amount of trust is involved. It is exciting to get to know clients over a period of time, most of my regulars are BDSM ones, and consensually test, and explore each other’s boundaries.

I had a client who was a professor at a university, was early 60s, and had never tried out many of his kinky fantasies. Together, we explored them for many months, and it was beautiful to see this elderly man blossom in sexual confidence and feel reassured that his kinks were not “odd” or deviant (in a bad way at least). A great passion of mine at work is dispelling these outdated and misinformed prejudices people can have about BDSM. For example, that there has to be something “wrong” with you in order to enjoy BDSM. Or, that all people who enjoy dominating others and inflicting pain on others consensually are “bad” people. I try to explain to people that context and consent are incredibly important to these activities and that, so long as everyone is happy and safe, it’s none of anyone else’s damn business.

I have had conversations with numerous clients who have been baffled that women can be feminists, and be submissive in the bedroom. I myself identify as non-binary, but have tried to explain to them that feminism should be about having freedom over one’s life and body, including their sexuality. As a non-binary person, I don’t see my kink activities in terms of men versus women anyway, but simply in terms of two (or more) human beings having a good time.

Despite decreasing the amount of submissive sessions I undertake these days, I am still having regular BDSM sessions with my longest-standing and probably most special client. I met Lee (not his real name) probably about three years ago, and this is a prime example of how I tend to meet the clients I form the strongest bonds with through kink. Lee and I have experimented with all sorts of things. He has tied me up completely and used all kind of equipment on me; paddles, whips, riding crops, floggers and candle wax. We have tried sploshing , which involved me getting covered in green and purple gunge in a padding pool and weird insertions including an ovipositor product (a tentacle dildo filled with alien eggs). I tried a lot of things for the first time with him. We have been away together around the country, for debauched weekends of kink. I often meet him in London at a swanky hotel, and we have explored medical festishes and blasphemous roleplay behind the opulent doors.

I’ll never forget the wonderfully hilarious and awkward moments, when at that London hotel the room service people would come up to the room with sandwiches only to find metal speculums, needles, vaginal pumps, me in a PVC nun outfit and him in a priest outfit, or me covered in gunge. None of them batted an eyelid of course. The fancier the hotel, the more accustomed hotel staff seem to be to this kind of thing.

Me and Lee stay in contact outside of my working hours and we share holiday stories and other life stories, not just BDSM related things. He sends me pictures of his cats and I send him anything that appeals to his historical interests. Being a sex worker who specialises in BDSM has taught me that clients can be friends, and has further reinforced how much of a human and personal service, grounded in trust and building a rapport, sex work really is.

Words: Rosie K

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